July. 2007.
My best friend had left months before to Florida, and I felt miserable. Sure, I had my own friends. I had an awesome apartment in downtown Salt Lake City. I had a really cool job that would never pay me enough for the work I did, and I was kinda satisfied with how my life was going... But a lot was missing. I still felt empty. The lease was up on my apartment, and I could go month to month (with some extra money I didn't have involved....), I could find a new place, I could get roommates, or I could move out of the state. So how did my decision finally get made? Why did I do what I decided to do? That will come with some more explaining...
My head was a mess. I knew I wanted something new, and that I could do so much better than I had been. I had been in my dark and twisty place for a long time, and couldn't seem to pull myself out of it, for whatever reason. I let the same guys keep messing with my head, and it just seemed to get worse day by day. One in particular had seriously destroyed me, almost beyond repair, and there will be more on him later... or in previous blogs if you care to look. (www.notsogeniusmind.blogspot.com).
It took a lot of coaxing... Maybe I just needed to get out for a little while and see what was out there. Check my options. Listen to the advice of those that knew me best.
I'm not really sure how, but I decided that I was going to move out of the state. I'm pretty sure it was because I wanted to get away from everything that reminded me of Brown Boot... Every time I saw the damn mountains, trees, anything downtown (especially the U of U campus, and sadly enough my own apartment...), bodies of water... Every time I thought about camping, riding a bike, or doing anything, I thought of him. Seriously. My life was tainted by him, and I needed to get out. I needed to forget. And I needed somewhere I had never been to with him. I knew I could never move on if I thought about him every where I looked and every corner I turned. That damn Brown Boot had been walking all over my life and destroying everything as if he were Godzilla...
Or an even better description would be the scene from "Lelo and Stitch" where stitch builds a city, and then destroys it. Mr. Brown Boot had literally built up my life, and was taking his sweet time destroying every little part of it. He built me up, and tore me down... I don't think he'll ever know the amount of damage he did. And I still don't believe that he knows he was a big reason why I left in the first place.
As for moving out of the state, I had three options. Hawaii, Florida, or Oregon.
My best friend from first grade lived in Oregon, where I grew up... and I was dying to live there once again. She had a place for me, she had dogs, and I already knew where stuff was around the area. I was more than welcome, and in fact, she had been trying to convince me to move back.
Someone who used to be a friend, but never really was that great of one... Actually, they were the worst friend I ever had to be completely honest. I'll talk about that stuff at some point. Only we'll change her name so that if she ever reads this, she won't get even more mad at me than she already is.... Anyway. Someone I thought was my friend had moved to Hawaii, and loved it. I used my best judgement, and ruled this idea out completely. I needed something a little less "stranded-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-away-from-everything-I-know" if you catch my drift.
My best friend, that I had ironically met through Brown Boot, lived in Florida. She hated the Disney College Program that she had originally gone down there for, finally broke things off with a friend that was much like the friend I mentioned in my previous paragraph, and she had broken up with her boyfriend and found someone so much better. She had a job where she made plenty of money, and she was happier than she had been in a long time.They lived close enough to hear the fireworks at DisneyWorld, they went to the beach, and they had a good group of people, and a lot of fun.... She was still having just as hard of a time without me as I was having without her... And her boyfriend, who is amazing by the way, said that he would buy me a plane ticket to come visit for a week and then let me decide what to do. Maybe this was what I needed.
I took the bate for Florida. I needed my friend and she needed me, and some palm trees and sandy beaches wouldn't hurt either. Jamie, my friend's boyfriend, bought the ticket, and I started packing my bags for a trip that would change the rest of my life more than I could imagine.
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